How to Help Your Teen Navigate Stress
- Brittany Miller
- Sep 24
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 10
It’s a familiar scene: your teen is buried in homework, overwhelmed by a social situation, or just grumbling under the weight of an invisible stressor. They might be short with you, leading to both of you reacting negatively toward each other. Or you might dismiss it, trying to help them by saying, “Just let it go,” or “Don’t worry so much about it.”
While your intentions are good, these phrases can often fall flat. For a stressed-out teen, being told to "just relax" is like telling a ship in a storm to simply "stop rocking." It’s an instruction that's impossible to follow and can even make them feel misunderstood. They aren't choosing to be stressed; they're experiencing a powerful physiological and emotional reaction.
So, how can we move from unhelpful advice to genuine support? By teaching them the art of self-regulation.
Understanding Teen Stress
Acknowledge the Storm, Don't Dismiss It
The most powerful thing you can do is to validate their feelings. When you see your teen struggling, don’t try to minimize their experience. Instead, become an ally in their struggle. Start with a simple, empathetic statement that shows you see them.
"You seem really stressed out right now."
"It looks like you're having a tough time with this."
"That sounds like a lot to handle."
This simple act of acknowledging their stress and naming the feeling helps them feel seen and heard. It sends the message, “I get it. What you’re feeling is real and valid.” This small step is the foundation of building trust and opening a path to solutions.
The Question That Teaches: Guiding Teens to Calm
Once you've acknowledged their stress, resist the urge to jump in with a solution. Instead, ask a question that empowers them to think for themselves. This is the core of teaching self-regulation. You're not fixing their problem; you're teaching them how to.
Here are some questions that guide them from a place of overwhelm to a place of reflection and control:
"That sounds really stressful. What do you need to feel a little more in control right now?"
"Is there anything I can do to help you feel a little less overwhelmed?"
"What's one thing we could do to make this feel more manageable?"
"If you would like, we can do the first step together."
They may not have an immediate answer. The goal isn't to get an answer but to plant a seed. The question itself teaches them to pause, reflect, and eventually, find their own way back to calm. Over time, they'll learn to ask themselves these same questions when you're not there. You're giving them a tool for life.
Lead by Example
Remember that your teen is always watching you. Model healthy self-regulation in your own life. When you're stressed, try calmly saying: "This traffic is so frustrating. I think I'm just going to take a deep breath or listen to music before it stresses me out." This shows them that it's normal to feel stress and that there are effective strategies to deal with it.
By acknowledging their feelings and empowering them to find their own solutions, you're giving them the essential tools to navigate the inevitable challenges of life, building their resilience and self-reliance one question at a time.
Building a Supportive Community
Want to engage in an open community with other parents of teens and preteens? Home school your Middle or High Schooler? Join a Small Group!
Each week, we engage in a topic around executive function, learn how it impacts behavior, and explore specific strategies that work with your child's brain to support their executive function. We'll then share personal experiences, reflect on how it impacts us and our preteens or teens specifically, collaboratively problem-solve, and vote at the end for next week's core topic.
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